pelzerworld

Wow. Ok. So it’s been like what? Three years? That seems insane. I considered posting over and over again but as more and more time passed I wondered how I would begin again. Then I considered scrapping this blog altogether and starting a brand new one. But this one is called Pelzerworld because my married last name is Pelzer. And when I started this blog it was my release for what was a very difficult time in my life…wanting to be a mother and unable to stay pregnant. Then I became blessed with my first child…a baby girl and this blog became a sort of journal for her to read when she grew up. I figure now that I have a son as well…it’s time to pick it back up. After all…now that I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old…you can imagine the fun stories I must have to tell (and will continue to have to tell in the future).

So what’s new? Well what isn’t new really is the question! My life is completely different than it was three years ago and yet some things remain the same. I no longer work for a woman-hating, sexist,

nepotism-filled hell-hole trucking company. I own my own cleaning business and although I’m not sure I’m prepared to do this for the long haul…I’m very content as it allows me flexibility and more time with my children who don’t have to be in daycare. I’m still married. 10 years this December (it feels like 100 years). I have an amazing son named Colton who was born June 22nd 2014. He’s the sweetest little chunk this world has ever seen. My daughter is a little dancer and performed in her first recital this past June. My mother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in August which came as a shock to the entire family and we are still working around her illness while we figure out what her and my dad’s future look like as she has been unable to work. The upside is we’ve gotten to spend a lot of time together again which has been amazing. My brother and Marsha also had another baby…a son 3 months after Colton was born and they recently built a house in chilliwack and reside there.

Not much more to report but I hope to get back to regular posting! I’ll add some photos for an update of how huge my babies are now!

xo

 

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I have been wanting to write a special post on our beautiful fur baby Winky for almost two months now. But I also wanted to include pictures and I haven’t quite had the time to put them altogether yet but I will add them as soon as I do.

We had to put Winky down on January 29th after he injured his back to the point where he could no longer walk or even stand to go to the bathroom. We tried pain meds, keeping him in a kennel to limit movements and acupuncture. But in the end – his quality of life was poor and we had to make the heart-wrenching decision to say good-bye.

I re-live that day nearly everyday and although we are moving forward – the pain of losing him is still ever present. We took him into the vet in his baby bed. He gave us each a kiss on our face as we told him how much we loved him and what a good boy he is and that we were so sorry. I held his head in my hands as he quickly drifted away. Just typing this makes me cry. I miss him so very much. Neither one of us really expected it was going to be so quick so afterwards we cried and hugged and I placed him in his favorite sleeping position. He was such a good boy that he had managed to hold in his pee and only went when he was no longer in control of his little body.

Winky – you were the best damn friend a girl could have. You were there for all the hard moments. Loyal, beautiful and crazy cute! I miss you every night when I finally get a chance to sit down because my lap is so empty without you. My legs and heart will never feel your warmth again but you live forever in my heart and my memories. I miss taking you for walks, being greeted at the door, having you to share my food with and your smelly-breath kisses.

Rest in Peace my little guy. Can’t wait to see you again at Rainbow Bridge one day!

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I figure it isn’t too late to write my 2013 year in review since we are only 15 days into 2014. I likely should be working right now but I have the cold from hell and my head is pounding so screw it for a few minutes. 2013 was a HUGE year for us so it’s worth a look back.

January – In January we looked at a house Joe found on MLS and we fell in love with it. Enough so that a week and a half later we listed the townhouse for sale and 10 days after that – the townhouse was sold. We still marvel at how this house was meant for us. By the time we had seen it at the start of January – it was no longer listed on MLS as the listing had expired the end of December. This gave us some time. By the end of January we had an accepted offer on our dream home.

February – February we had the home inspection on said dream home. It did NOT go well. Our inspector made it sound like the home should be condemned. After a few second opinions – we discovered our inspector was obviously on crack or possibly was trying to sabotage our deal because the house turned out to be in above excellent condition. PHEW! But it scared the crap out of us at the time and added some seriously unnecessary stresses.

March – March was a BIG month. My niece arrived on the 7th which thus far has been such a fun addition. Now that the girls are both mobile – the 7 month age difference is hardly noticeable. We also moved at the end of March. It was insanely stressful for me and later on of course I learned why.

April – In April we started to settle into the new digs. Mikayla started to sit up on her own and I started to stress over finding suitable daycare for when I would return to work. My friend from across the country also welcomed her little fighter five weeks early into the world. Today you wouldn’t know he was a little 5 pounder and had to work hard at the start of his life.

May – In May I had a girls night planned that I was SUPER excited about. Aside from everything else – we all ended up contracting Noro-virus and the night was essentially ruined. And EVERYONE got it. My mom and dad who were looking after the little germ sharer, Joe and I and also some other people who are not worth mentioning.

June – In June I came to the conclusion that I needed some help for my increasingly irritable and erratic behavior. I was absolutely fine with Mikayla but quite the opposite when it came to Joe. After some discussion and a visit to the doctor I found out that it was a form of post partum depression and it needed to be treated. I hated the idea at the start but our lives significantly changed for the better after that and I know that I made the right decision for myself and my family. I was also able to find suitable daycare that month (once I was in the right frame of mind it came a bit easier). This made the remainder of my mat leave a lot more enjoyable. A friend also welcomed a little baby girl into the world after weeks of waiting and a difficult delivery. But now of course – worth every minute of it for them. And yet another friend of mine welcomed a baby boy – a wonderful addition and a great way to fuse a blended family.

July – I went back to work. As hard as it was I had a good transition period with Joe home for the remainder of the summer. It meant I didn’t have to rush quite as much and could get used to the idea of just being away from Mikayla before the idea of her also being looked after by a stranger (who as Steph told me before – is no longer a stranger now).

August – my sweet baby girl turned one! Time sure flies and I notice it even more now that we have a child. We had a really fun party for her at our house which was nice because it was sort of our first official gathering at our new home. And we pulled it off (with the help of my mom of course). Mikayla was super spoiled and even enjoyed an enormous cupcake all to herself!

September – Joe turned 40! We didn’t do much for it (he’s not much for partying) but we went out for dinner sans child which was nice enough for the two of us. September also was the start of the “true” test for what life was really going to be like with two full time working parents. It was an adjustment but it quickly became part of the norm and we continue to work our asses off and struggle but we know it’s totally worth it. This was also the month we had originally planned to start trying for baby #2. I recall being at that time in my cycle where we could have made it happen but we were exhausted and our then 13-month old was screaming and we decided – nah. Maybe next month. Or never.

October – October was a fun month because we took Mikayla to the pumpkin patch with my mom and we ALL had such a blast. Mikayla LOVED the tractor ride and we even saw 3 day old piglets and sweet baby bunnies. It was awesome and we plan on making it a tradition. October was also the month I found out we were expecting baby #2. Which I still laugh about today. This blog was started back in 2011 as I struggled to get pregnant. Never in a bazillion years did I think I would ever get pregnant on the first try. Goes to show that God always has a plan. And it’s HIS plan. Not easy to remember when you’re in the thick of any struggle in life but what that struggle taught me (and what every struggle since has taught me) is that He has it figured out. And eventually I will too. But I have to put some trust in Him.

November – In November we went to my friend’s son’s second birthday party. It starts getting crazy celebrating the second birthdays of your friends kids. It happens too fast. We also discovered we were both expecting which is kind of fun because we were so close growing up and we will have kids only 6-7 weeks apart. Joe and I also saw our little bean for the first time in November and heard the heart thumping away. Surreal even the second time around.

December – As always December was CRAZY and busy but this was also the month we moved Mikayla from 4 to 3 days a week in daycare which makes Joe’s life a little more difficult and mine a little easier. Plus we love that she is home with one of us 4 days a week. I don’t think daycare is a bad thing at all – in fact quite the opposite. But I would still like her at home as much as possible. Plus it saves us some serious cash and who doesn’t like that? I also hosted my first family Christmas. It was definitely work but I had TONS of help from my sister-in-law and my mom so it went smoothly and I’m not so fearful to do it again. Except it likely wont happen this year since I will have my hands full with TWO kids – one being only 6 months old. EEK! I try not to fret about it too much and again put my faith that God only gives us what we can handle. No more and no less.

Overall it was a busy but awesome year and this year proves to be just as crazy for us. I’m terrified and excited for what it all brings!

Much love to all and a HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!! 🙂

Ummm – yeah so obviously the whole blogging thing hasn’t been happening at all. I miss it greatly but there just never seems to be the time. But since this serves as a nice diary for Mikayla to read when she gets older – I never want to abandon it. Plus – it’s a lot of fun for me to look back and read and look at old pictures.

There have been soooo many things that have happened since I last blogged. From Mikayla’s first pumpkin patch adventure to Halloween and Thanksgiving with her cousin! It sort of sucks I haven’t been able to find the time to write about it in detail. The memories are forever etched in my mind but they won’t be for Mikayla. Anyway – she is growing like a weed (still tiny but definitely growing). She talks…a LOT – not necessarily a ton of words but she says mama, dada, baby, uh-oh and she can point to her nose. She is walking and LOVES chocolate. We have an advent calendar for her sitting on top of the fridge and she points at it constantly until she gets her chocolate (and sometimes even after she’s already gotten it). She eats pretty well but still isn’t big on vegetables. I keep trying but to no avail. I am also trying to teach her how to use a fork or spoon but she seems to be more interested in using her fingers. We now have her in daycare only 3 days a week which means she gets more daddy time. I’m all for that and I love that she gets to be at home more days in a week than not.

I guess obviously another major thing is that Mikayla will be a big sister in June! Joe and I always planned for two but since having the one proved to be difficult and time consuming (not to mention emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting) we figured we would start trying and allow for it to take a year or so. But it didn’t. It took literally…ONE try. Which is crazy to me. I remember thinking how funny it would be if it happened like that. How it would be God’s way of saying he is always in control and has always had a plan. Maybe even his little way of laughing at me a bit. And then it actually happened. 25 pregnancy tests later – I finally started to believe it. Not to mention a total onslaught of major pregnancy symptoms that majorly lacked when I was pregnant with Mikayla. I have been sick. Real sick. And beyond exhausted. But now that I have experienced the more difficult symptoms – I feel free to say to everyone who has ever bitched about it to suck it up. It still ain’t that bad and actually – it helped me believe this thing was the real deal. Gave me a bit of piece of mind. I’m pushing 13 weeks now and heading into the second trimester already. There are so many differences with this one aside from the way I feel physically. I don’t have time to worry near as much. I haven’t been in a big hurry to see a doctor. I did have an ultrasound at around 9 weeks and I did hear the heartbeat just last night again. But I am not consumed by it. Which in some ways makes me feel guilty. But I am super excited and feel so lucky to be in this position…and terrified at the same time. My kids won’t quite be 2 years apart. Makes me a tad nervous. Just the two words: “my kids” sounds weird to me. Plural. As in two. Yikes.

I hope that with this next and last one I can take it all in a little more at the start. Enjoy the sleepy cuddles instead of being in such a hurry to put him or her down so I can “get something done”. I never thought I would miss the newborn phase – but there are certainly some things I will strive to enjoy a bit more this time. I know I can do it. I know the hard times don’t last forever. But I also know the teeny tiny newborn times go in a flash. And you don’t get them back. I know I will be terribly sleep deprived and worn out but this time I will accept and ask for help ALWAYS. Maybe I CAN do it on my own but why should I have to? I should consider myself blessed and lucky to have the help that I do and will have! My mom will be working double time. Poor lady.

Anyway – back to work (which is a whole ‘nother post altogether). Hope to post some pictures later!

If I don’t get around to it – MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!:)

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After 2.5 months of being back at work and busy from the very moment of my return – suddenly after so many of my deadlines have been met – I am spent today. August and September are notoriously busy for me at my job because we have our insurance renewal – that’s more than 300 pieces of equipment and I basically run the show. Much to my surprise I wasn’t as rusty as I thought I would be since I had last year’s renewal off. However there were many changes and new things I had to learn but I am happy to report that I pulled through it. And my boss was so pleased I received a lovely gift card for the Cactus Club. And now I will spend October catching up. I have also been promoted and am no loner handling reception duties. Thank goodness. It has been nearly 8 years of the same thing and I am happy to pass the torch on that one. I have a lovely little area away from the hub and I am – for the first time in a LONG time – content at my job.

Anyway – on to Hurricane Mikayla as I like to call her. My lovely little bundle of Jekyll and Hyde. One day she’s hot and the next cold. But she saves ALL her drama for her mama. Thanks baby. This stage is so far the hardest it has been since those newborn days. Newborn days are still way harder but this is more frustrating. Mikayla is so mobile and becoming such a little individual but she is unable to express herself like an individual and this is where some issues come into play. She’s is sweet as pie with daddy and grandma and pretty much everyone…but me. And don’t for one second think I am a push over with her. Anyone who really knows me knows how much I fear having a brat for a kid. But it doesn’t seem to matter…cool off times for her in her crib work but only if I have a half hour to spare. Tuesday morning was a nightmare. Mikayla isn’t big on being changed and dressed anymore by me anyway – so throw on top of that a bump on her head while playing and an early wake-up – and you’ve got a recipe for an epic temper tantrum that would have made Mother Theresa lose patience. It felt like a wrestling match with screams so loud I was sure my eardrums would explode. And she is freakishly strong for a tiny 14 month old. The way she can twist her whole body to fight me off is incredible and makes me fear the future when she is even bigger. Anyway – I put her in her crib so settle down but she only screamed louder and after 10 minutes I was running out of time. So I went and got her hoping she would be relieved to see me but of course – silly me – I was wrong and she continued to fight and push away from me and…SCREAM. So I did what any terrible mother would do – I spanked her. Out of pure frustration and anger. I spanked her. It wasn’t hard and I know she basically didn’t feel it because she just continued to scream but I felt so bad afterwards. I knew this wasn’t the answer. I don’t really know what is the answer except that I have to be consistent.

Once I got her in the car and gave her her toy maraca to shake – she was content and I could see her smiling at me in the rear view mirror as we drove to daycare. Which only made my super duper mommy guilt feelings increase, and then double, and then triple again and so on and so on.

After speaking with some moms who have been through this – they all agreed that this is an unfortunate yet normal stage for toddlers. Phew. It’s a stage. But just because it’s a stage doesn’t mean and I can’t start nipping it in the bud now. I noticed last night as I was putting her sleeper on and she was super over-tired that the less I engaged her rage – the less loud she became. Negative attention for a toddler is still attention. I have to pretty much ignore it. My daycare lady told me it would probably get worse before it gets better and that you learn to be the “mean one”. I’m basically there. There is no more “mama”. I never hear it anymore. It’s all “DADA”. All the time. It’s frustrating for me as her mother (umm….hello 24 hours of labour later) but I know it will pass. I know she loves me and that I am her world. But she also wants to test me. Challenge accepted my little peanut.

And after the nightmare that was Tuesday morning – this morning I dreaded the after bottle task of getting her dressed. And this morning – she was a little angel. *Sigh*. Of course she was. Until tomorrow I guess…

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Now that I am successfully 5 weeks 10 weeks into working full time outside the home I feel like I can finally comment on it. If this first sentence isn’t any indication to how little time I have for things like blogging I don’t know what is! It’s hard. Not as hard as I imagined it would be but still hard. On nights when Mikayla doesn’t sleep well – I still have to get up and focus at work. Mornings are me trying to get myself ready and her so we can get out the door by 7:45 so I can drop her off at daycare by 8:15 and be at work by 8:30. The good news is that Mikayla no longer cries when I drop her off and she is generally very happy to see me when I come to pick her up. The first few times were hard because she would cry and it would break my heart. But the days are LONG. There is hardly anytime for myself and now that Joe is also back to work – the evenings can be tough as well since I am on my own trying to make her dinner, feed her, feed myself, clean up, give her a bath, put her to bed and throw in some laundry. My day starts just before 6am and I am done by 9 to 9:30pm. Fitting in work-outs has been difficult to say the least and my weight loss journey has been on hold for quite some time but I am determined to pick it back up again.

But somehow we are doing it. Joe has picked up a lot of the slack and between the two of us we are doing it and it’s manageable. We plan ahead and prepare (laundry is all folded and completely done on Sundays as is some meals for the week). But I cherish the time that I have at home and the time that I have with Mikayla. I may even be a little selfish of that time because to be perfectly honest – very little else matters to me than spending time with her and Joe on my weekends. This has strained my relationships with friends and whatnot but I can’t worry about that. My social life doesn’t matter to me as much anymore. I love being at home with my family. Nothing matters more than that and I never want to take it for granted. And I don’t. I also find that with being prepared and planning ahead – my anxiety is lessened by a lot and that matters to me greatly. I suffered (and made my husband suffer) for months with intense anxiety thanks to PPD and I have to do what is best for me and my family and I find being as prepared as possible to play a big role in the success of keeping it at bay.

Anyway – I am slammed at work and since I started this post 5 weeks ago almost it’s feeling quite choppy so I think it’s time to put anyone reading this out of their misery and end this post.

Happy Monday y’all! “)

To My Beautiful Sweet Baby Girl Mikayla,

You are one year old and I can hardly believe it! This year went by in the blink of an eye and I’m aware that before I know it you will be all grown up (but please don’t do this too fast – take your time!).

I hope that one day this blog will serve as a reminder of how wanted you were and always will be. You are truly the love of my life and the greatest blessing I have ever known. Watching you grow up is such a privilege and not one I take for granted. You, my sweet baby girl – are my whole heart and my whole world. I have never known greater joy than getting to greet your beautiful smiling face every morning. What an amazing and exciting way to start the day everyday! A reason to get out of bed will always be you sweetheart

In the last two months you have turned into this little ball of energy and fun (you were always fun but now you are mobile!). You have this adorable crawl that can only be described as the way Quasimodo must have crawled when he was a baby. You are always trying to stand up and sometimes are successful! You LOVE baths or pool time and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE music and dancing! Your favorite words are Mama and Dada (who I imagine are also two of your favorite people along with Grandma of course who spoils the crap out of you). You have four teeth that I can see – two in the bottom front and two in the top front which is super cute! You like all kinds of food and are a bit of a mooch actually which is fine by us. We love food too! You are finally getting more hair – more so in the back so I like to tell people you are business in the front and party in the back 😉 You have these gorgeous greeny-blue eyes and long eyelashes with adorable chubby cheeks that I kiss about a thousand times a day even though you’re not big on snuggles and kisses – we can’t help ourselves!

I can’t wait to watch you continue to grow and learn and discover as we reach this amazing milestone of the first year of your life! You amaze me more and more everyday.

Happy First Birthday My Love! Mommy loves you so very, very much.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Mom

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  • pelzerworld: Thanks Robinder! It took a lot for me to admit that I was struggling. But once I did and got the help I needed it was like the weight of the world lif
  • Robinderjeet: Thanks for the mention:). And thanks for sharing a bit about your journey with post partum depression. I feel it's so important for moms to share this
  • pelzerworld: Thanks Robinder! It's always nice to hear from the moms who have been through it that it's normal. And being a mom totally makes me understand uncondi

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